Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Bio.
My name is Juana Naomy Sanchez. I was born and raised in Dominican Republic, but only until i was 9 years old and moved to the United States. I was born on February 8th, 1994. I went to Freeport High School till junior year, in Freeport, NY. Then i finished in Hostos Lincoln Academy, in the Bronx.Moving from one place to another in the middle of my junior year really affected me and i believe made me who i am today. I didn't have a choice at the time because i was under my dads responsibility, so i couldn't stay and finish high school. I am now a Liberal Arts Major at LaGuardia Community College. I speak both English and Spanish. Being bilingual in a way has been a gift because i can communicate with people around me(will further explain). But at the same time this could be a disadvantage because sometimes i mix the languages and cause myself confusion, not so much anymore but while i was learning yes(will further explain). I remember when i was in grade school, some of the kids who went to school with me would say things to me in English and because i didn't know what they meant i wasn't able to defend myself.
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Hey Juan, my name is Javed. I am also a Liberal Arts major here at LaGuardia. First things first I like how simple your language was to state what you wanted to say. I also love how you were not afraid to share something this personal and go into such detail. I also admired your honesty about the language barrio when you moved to New York. In addition I liked the fact that you have sentences and not run on sentences. Your ideas for the most were vey clear to me. I completely got the idea of where you were coming from. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I saw that you failed to capitalize your i(I). This is a very small but important part of writing that when you become much older will come in handy in getting a job, or being accepted for anything you want. In addition, for transitions words you can use words as (but, however, on the other hand.) and for words that are equivalent or mean because you can use (therefore, as a result or consequently.) Those are a few of my favorites that I’ve just shared with you. Also, I would respectfully suggest you alter a few sentences.
For ex:
My name is Juana Naomy Sanchez. I was born and raised in Dominican Republic, (you can maybe put a period after republic &t ake away the but. You could say something like “I moved to New York when I was 9. but only until i was 9 years old and moved to the United States. I was born on February 8th, 1994. I went to Freeport High School till junior year, in Freeport, NY.You could say I went to Freeport High School, in Freeport NY until my junior yr. You could say for the next sentence I then finished in … which was located in the bx.Then i finished in Hostos Lincoln Academy, in the Bronx.Moving from one place to another in the middle of my junior year really affected me and i believe made me who i am today. I didn't have a choice at the time because i was under my dads (instead of saying responsibility you can say something like I was under my fathers care, therefore I coul not have stayed where I wanted…)responsibility, so i couldn't stay and finish high school. I am now a Liberal Arts Major at LaGuardia Community College. I speak both English and Spanish. Being bilingual in a way has been a gift because i can communicate with people around me(will further explain).However at the same time I cannot immediately deffrenciate(tell the difference between) between the two languages unconsciously. But at the same time this could be a disadvantage because sometimes i mix the languages and cause myself confusion, not so much anymore but while i was learning yes when I was learning english this happened often(a lot), but now it happens less frequently(often) (will further explain). I remember when i was in grade school, some of the kids who went to school with me would say things to me in (you can say defend myself or communicate in any way possible) because im sure all the time people weren’t trying to fight you or disrespect you. So you can just say communicate I think it covers both good and bad.English and because i didn't know what they meant i wasn't able to defend myself.
And that’s about all the corrections; I hope you understand what I did if not just let me know. Great work; just remember to capitalize your I’s. It’s very important for you to do so.